Good Hurt

It happens as easily as it disappears.

That moment when I feel glued to my bed, molasses for brains, and a blunted affect.

Whoever said feeling nothing doesn’t hurt, lied. Numbness is a wrecking emotion. It’s like the eye of a hurricane, where the center of the ring is ominously calm, but the eyewall rages around with lightning and thunder and imminent disaster.

Feeling nothing is actually standing on the cusp of feeling it all at once and that is terrifying.

Today, there is no standing, only leaning on grace and stretched out on mercy.

Today, there are no dreams to fabricate, just hope on which to cling.

Today, there is no ‘me’ on which to rely on, only Christ on whom to depend.

And yet I know that somehow all this is good. In the bad of the day, there is so…much…good.

2 Corinthians 4:8-18 English Standard Version (ESV)

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 11 For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 12 So death is at work in us, but life in you.

13 Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, 14 knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. 15 For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.

16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self[a] is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

 

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