(Written June 20, 2015)
I’m watching the sunset tonight and as the sky changes into multiple colors, it settles on a periwinkle hue right before it melts into the horizon declaring that the day is done and that a new night rules supreme. Some clouds are cast like brush strokes across others and the trees within my sight are looking more like a unified shadow across the landscape than individual green towers, lush and separate as is clear during the light of day. A person clutches his belongings, rushing to catch the bus and the cars below zip by, horns beeping and drowning out as they sound long into the distance.
Night falls fast and the hollow feelings I felt all day, and most of the week, seem to have dissipated with the setting sun. Somehow, I’m feeling brighter by nightfall and the weight of the day has rolled off my back. That seems to be the case sometimes with depression. I wrestle with it most at the peak of day, when I should be most productive, and when all is exposed and illuminated. And then, like tonight, there are times that the arrival of a cobalt blue sky impressed with an array of twinkling diamond stars, assuages the dagger of inner darkness in myriad and inexplicable ways.
In some ways, this a bit backwards, but so are many things in life. And so are most things in God’s economy. You must “lose your life to gain it.” You must be content in all things, chief amongst them suffering. You must “store up your treasures in heaven where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” Scripture is filled with an inside-out version of life. In my struggle, which pales in comparison to other people’s crosses, I continue to remember and to learn that every thing that hurts on this side is a stitch for joy in eternity.
So early tomorrow at daybreak, the sun will appear and set the stage for a new day and will set a new backdrop for the continuation of my tale and yours. That tale will include joys and sorrows alike. There will be moments that will teem with great difficulty and there will be those moments where I just stop and remember: “It’s just a moment.” The sun will surely paint the sky once more, as every other night, with an array of colors, signaling the coming night. And right before it melts yet again into the horizon and I am met by the moon, I will remember that there was nothing new under the sun of that day…nothing that happened to me on that day arrested God with surprise and despair because His sovereignty does not set or rise as it is steady and all-encompassing.
I’ll remember that and thank God for the good and the bad, and I will smile at the periwinkle sky, embracing His peace, which surpasses all understanding and my pain may not disappear but it will definitely not overcome me either…